who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
