I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
