am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
