I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
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I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
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You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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