why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
