do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Randomize
