I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
