I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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