After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize