Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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