none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I can't turn off my feet"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
