If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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