haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
