Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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