i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
