You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
