my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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