Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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