She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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