Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
