She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
