my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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