Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
