That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
