this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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