They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
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The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
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Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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