WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
