Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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