I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
