i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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