so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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