i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
