i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
