are you still at the devil's house?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
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She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
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YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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