If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
