Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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