i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
