This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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