you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
