White coat. Heels.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
