His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
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You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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