bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
