Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
