please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
