And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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