FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
