i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
