so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
