He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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