You can't motorboat a personality
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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