I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
