This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
