Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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