This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Vodka?
Forever.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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