Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
