i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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