Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
