how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
