I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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