you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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