The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
